Kevin is a freelance web developer, actor and musician based out of New York City. He develops websites large and small, writes and performs with sketch comedy group, Gentleman Caller


kevin dot wolkober at gmail dot com
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Good People

December 5th, 2009 by Kevin

I got vomited on

At 1:34 pm E.S.T., I encountered a very ill man while en route to Chinatown via the subway.

Fifteen minutes prior to the attack, the trusty Q train picked me up at the platform not unlike any other day in my Manhattan-bound travels (that is unless I am to take the B train instead).  Once the train reached the Manhattan Bridge and exited the tunnel, sunlight poured through the windows and struck my face.  Certainly, a glorious day was ahead.  I sat comfortably in my seat looking through various periodicals.  It was then at 1:34 pm E.S.T. that terror struck.

The very first thing that crossed my mind was that someone accidentally had soda go down the wrong pipe and spew in a fit of coughing.  Wrong.  This stuff was human.  Once I became fully aware of the situation, I turned to the spewer on my right as asked, “Are you okay, man?”  He nodded and shrank back behind a newspaper.  ”Sorry” or an equivalent word/phrase never entered the conversation.  That was the end.  It was time to survey the damage:

  • Right side and right inner pocket of messenger bag
  • Small section on right pant leg of blue jeans
  • Entire right side of jacket
  • Entire screen of iPod Touch

Thankfully, tissues and the rainy weather saved me from having to return home immediately and miss my 2 pm Mandarin class (I missed two previous classes.  I was not about to miss this one).  I was able to remove 90% of visible anomalous materials.  After class was finished, I returned home straight away to wash clothes and shower up.  The day was done and it was time to eat a hot meal and relax.

And now, visual aids post-initial cleanup:

Inside a sleeve on my bag

Inside a sleeve on my bag

Back of my bag

Back of my bag

August 27th, 2009 by Kevin

Just for decoration


I walked through Grand Central Terminal the other day and stopped to use the restroom.  While I was granted access to the men’s room, women were not so lucky as their room was gated off with this sign.


While walking to the coffice today, I also found this ornament attached to a delivery van.  Sorry for the snap-and-run, but yes, it is a skeleton’s upper body.

August 11th, 2009 by Kevin

Things I Have Discovered – Part II

Welcome back for Part II


It’s a best practice to add thoughts for characters on postage stamps as demonstrated by this guy.


I found this at a shop in Chinatown that sold an array of children’s toys among other things. The negligence of this boy makes me uncomfortable in regard to his drawers, but I respect his above average comfort level.


All rainbows end at a McDonalds location, as they should.

There might be a part three. There might not be.

August 10th, 2009 by Kevin

Things I Have Discovered – Part I

Hello, and welcome my first multi-part entry. In my continued efforts to find ways to remember to maintain this increasingly crusty blog, I believe I have found a new tactic for success – multi-part entries. By attaching “Part I” to the title of any blog entry, I am essentially committing to follow-up entries. There may not be enough details to warrant a “Part II” for certain subjects, but if this is the case, I will edit titles accordingly I will make up false additions to stories and findings.

I find that I have been taking photos more often in the past few months with my cell phone camera. I have been discovering things and documenting them as necessary. The following is a selection of these discoveries:


I love bananas and Cheerios. I vividly remember the days when my mother cut up bananas and placed them into this treasure of a cereal. Needless to say, I am back on the largest kick since the 1980s.


I picked up Nutella on an impulse buy a few weeks ago. I had never had it before, and upon a recommendation from a friend, I acquired it. Once I had it, I was not sure what to do with it. Peanut butter seemed like the logical next step. I found that in my first rehearsal with Nutella, I had applied far too little peanut butter and far too much Nutella. The sandwich did not taste good. The next time, I will flip the formula and see if the second experience is better.


I have been ordering new audio gear from Sweetwater lately, and I found that they send along tiny candies in the shipping boxes. I am not sure where else to get free candy at this present time, so I will continue to order new items from Sweetwater.

Part II of this multi-part series of discoveries will continue tomorrow evening. Please enjoy.

June 4th, 2009 by Kevin

How to factory assemble and then manually disassemble a MacBook Pro (Late 2008)

Factory Assembly:

1. Gather all the specified parts for a MacBook Pro (Late 2008)
2. Assemble parts.
3a. When assembling parts, make certain to fasten screws well past the normal slot threshold using a machine from the future.
3b. If assembling manually, make certain to find a man on a copious amount of steroids with a muscle mass well above the above average professional weight lifter. (Note: While seating the screw, continue fastening until both of your hands begin to bleed)
4. Congratulations, you have assembled a MacBook Pro.

Manual Disassembly:

1. Acquire a hammer, an 8.5″ x 11″ sheet of paper, an envelope, a postage stamp, and a ballpoint pen.
2. Write a letter to a close family relative or friend stating that you would like him or her to disassemble your MacBook Pro and install [new hardware part].
3. Mail your relative or friend the letter.
4. Wait until you have received confirmation that he or she will perform the disassembly process.
5. Once confirmation has been received, knock yourself out with the hammer so as to not be present in any way, shape, or form for the disassembly process
6. Once your new hardware has been installed, awake, gratuitously thank your family member or friend, and take them out to a nice steak dinner.

March 12th, 2009 by Kevin

Dim sum fun

Last Sunday, I had dim sum for the first time. To quote Wikipedia:

Dim sum (literally meaning “touch the heart”) is the name for a Chinese cuisine which involves a wide range of light dishes served alongside Chinese tea.

People constantly run around with carts and serve up delicious dishes. A few other friends and I ate like kings and queens, and the price was right. There wasn’t a single thing on the table that didn’t tickle my palette with delight.

Dim sum!

In other news, I rehearsed with Soapbox Army in our new rehearsal space this past Monday. It feels great to finally work in a place where we don’t get kicked out by flashing lights and can use our own equipment. I’m happy to have my drums and keyboard up and in full swing (I wish the cymbals on my kit here were mine, but my drums are getting a solid workout):

My drum set

This week’s encounters:

  1. An undercover cop car disguised as an NYC taxi
  2. A grocery store employee asking me if I was 21 to verify my age for purchasing beer

Posted in Food, Music | 3 Comments »

March 5th, 2009 by Kevin

Alive and busy

I owe Texas $1.98 for I believe I have missed two Thursday blog entries. His boy’s college funding has officially begun. In defense of my lack of blogging commitment, I’ve been crazy busy with Soapbox Army and Gentleman Caller.

Soapbox Army just picked up a new studio space in Queens. I’m very excited to finally have a creative wonderland to play in other than my apartment or a by-the-hour rehearsal space! We just booked a number of shows for the coming months, so come give us a look-see.

Gentleman Caller has been rehearsing like mad men for an upcoming show on April 7th at The PIT. If you’re in town then, come by for a chuckle or two.

New vegetable fix: asparagus
Still not even close to being tired of: Making my own Chinese food
New thing I’m trying for the first time this weekend: dim sum

I’m typing up this entry on the train right now via WordPress on my iPod Touch. I’m sorry to say it, but three thumbs down. This app could use a little more functionality and pizazz.

New Touch app I have downloaded but not yet used: Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Lite

February 12th, 2009 by Kevin

I need to travel

Time to let a cat out of the bag – I’m learning Mandarin. Seriously, I want to be fluent in it. A couple Taiwanese friends of mine are teaching me little by little, and I’m picking up what I can on the Internet (where reliable). I’m even thinking of taking classes in Chinatown with a friend.

How did I get hooked on this? Somewhere the desire for traveling outside North American began burning in the direction of Taiwan. After hearing many great tales, I’m sold on living there. That’s right. When money and stars align, I want to live there for awhile. I’m thinking six months to a year. I want to have an experience, and not just a vacation.

Technically, it’s still Thursday in Los Angeles, and by that logic, I have passed the Thursday Blog Challenge. Do I owe the Texasman 99 cents? You be the judge.

February 5th, 2009 by Kevin

Trustworthy Food

I won’t open any edibles foreign to my palette as a general rule of thumb. I like to survey the scene and get a feel for the mastication experience I’m about to invest in.

Last week, my mother sent me a care package filled with an assortment of goodies – many of which I had not seen before. I looked over the following items carefully before opening:

Colby's Kettle Corn
Large font and a friendly face sealed the deal for me right away, however, I was impressed that it guaranteed its authenticity.

Sonny & Joe's Hummus Spread
I trust a brand that has a legend behind it, but I wasn’t initially certain of the company’s motive. After noticing the roller coaster, I realized this was a company that maintained a merry attitude toward hummus production. Done deal.

Joe Joe's Cookies
I’m a big fan of the Oreo cookie and all variants. Never before have I experienced a candy cane flavored knock-off. Let me tell you – they’re delicious. What sold me on opening the package? The real bits of candy cane. The name.

Mom Cookie
Homemade cookies from Mom? I didn’t think twice about opening the container. Delicious.

Normally, I would have stopped this post two lines ago, but there is a situation you need to be aware of. Time and time again I have been reprimanded by a Texasman to update this blog at a weekly minimum. Clearly, I haven’t been keeping up with his demands, but more importantly, I do want to commit to doing something regularly here. Therefore, from this point on, every time I miss a weekly update, I will be forced to PayPal the state of Texas 99 cents. I’m not sure if a reward system will go into place if I exceed expectations, but I will keep you posted. Posted. See what I did there?

Posted in Family, Food | 1 Comment »

January 12th, 2009 by Kevin

Secondary Champion <- me

Every year, I partake in a fantasy football league put on by a league grandmaster and good friend who does not maintain website that I can reference, so instead I will reference this site as it is a second home to him.

This year, I started out weak. Throughout the season, unbeknownst to the other participants, I gathered strength for what was to be my surprise comeback. The playoffs approached and I sat comfortably toward the back of the success drawer. The league grandmaster split us up into two playoff tournaments. The top half of participants made it into the official playoffs and the bottom half of participants were dropped into The Horse’s Ass Tournament. After hearing of my placement in T.H.A.T., I knew it was my moment to shine. I bowled over the other competitors making my way to number one in the tournament. The grandmaster was in awe as I barreled my way to the top scoring 147 points in the final week. Upon becoming the bottom ranking champion, I was presented with the trophy of kings.

Horse's Ass Trophy

Do I pretend to follow football? No. Do I make uninformed decisions for my fantasy team based on gut instinct? Yes.

Posted in Sports | 1 Comment »

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